Friday, April 20, 2018

TOUGH DAY

Today will be difficult.
Saying 'Goodbye' to my friend J.
She lost her battle with liver cancer on Monday, after a valiant fight.

There will be a large contingent of us Fat Bottomed Girls going.  I am taking at least 3 with me that I know of... we are all car pooling.

We are all going to (hopefully), be wearing something small in purple, our FBG colour.

So, apart from that dominating this morning/lunchtime, I have no other plans for the day.

I expect I will get home feeling drained.   No one like funerals, they are so very sad.  I usually avoid them like the plague. 

Nothing else to add right now.

ONWARD...  


Thursday, April 19, 2018

YESTERDAY WAS CRAZY

YESTERDAY WAS:
CRAZY
CRAZY
CRAZY

BUT ...

I am so thankful for all the concern and support I was given yesterday.  I really appreciated it.
If you left me a Comment, Personal Message, Email, Text or rang.... THANK YOU!

I did not expect such a response!


There is going to be so much changing.  No little steps here!

If I'm going to get my numbers down in three months, I literally have to pull out all of the stops.

I'm NOT going on a diet.
I'm NOT adopting a 'Lifestyle Change'.

I'm going to live my life as a bloody DIABETIC, a diabetic who does NOT want to end up having insulin injections every day!...or any of the horrible consequences of having out of control diabetes.

That means all of the things I listed yesterday will be happening.

So... ON WITH LIVING MY LIFE.  

Thankfully, I love Meat.  Bacon.  Cheese. And most Veges.  And I will learn to like coffee too!  Cos coffee will help with the caffeine withdrawals from not drinking MUCH Diet Coke!

AND.... I am making a VOW right now.  I will NOT be getting on the damn scales for the entire 3 months I am working on getting my blood sugars down.
I will not let a number derail me, as it so often does!
So, no weight numbers.
At the end of 3 months, I will go to the Doctor, have my blood test and see what I've accomplished. 

It's NEVER going to be about numbers on a scale again.

I am MORE than a number on the scale.

AND... just remembered:  I'm NOT counting calories or 'points' either.  I'm just going to relax and eat when I need to, but keep an eye on my portions.  

Keeping it simple.


********************

Today I am making a fabric flower.  A Purple Flower to wear to J's funeral tomorrow.
Purple to represent our Fat Bottomed Girls 'bond'.  It was suggested we wear our FBG t-shirts, but I feel that would be too much.
I'm gunna wear a flower on my dress.

I will show you how it turns out... later.


Woke up this morning feeling exactly like I usually do.  Sick as a dog.  Nauseous and with no energy.  But, I'm hoping once my blood sugar levels drop that will change?

I stayed up far too late last night, as per usual.
A kind girl had given me the idea to make 'breakfast' muffins... so I made some.  At midnight.


ABOVE:  They came out perfect.  They are made with egg, milk, bacon, onion, tomato, cheese and fresh herbs.
I was outside at 12.30 am (it was freezing on me bare feet!), picking parsley and chives!  lol

I plan on freezing them individually, and just pulling one out a day.  They were going to be for breakfast, but I tried eating one this morning and I only managed one bite before literally vomiting!

Too rich for my stomach first thing in the morning.  They will be OK for lunch though.

So I need to re-think breakfast ideas.  Maybe just a poached egg? Or half a piece of wholemeal toast?  I know I should have something to take with the friggin Metformin!
It just needs to be something bland, so it doesn't make me throw up.

I had a visit from one of my FBG friends this morning.  Sarah has two daughters who have diabetes, so she came around to have a yak with me about it all.  And one of her daughters, who is joining the FBG's this year, is possibly coming around on Sunday to talk with me too.  

She's been heavily involved with Diabetes Waikato and is a nurse, so is full of information and tips.  She's happy to sit and talk me through different ideas to get my numbers under control, and food ideas too.

Sarah told me that walking around the Avantidome spectator gallery is a good walk... particularly when it's too hot outside.
So after she left I went out there, turned on my 'Map My Walk' app and did three laps.

According to Sarah, three time around the track equals 1 km.  Well... I did three laps, and this is what I got:


 ABOVE:  Now, bearing in mind the track is perfectly oval... and I started and stopped at the same point, Map My Walk stuffed up somehow!
And it recorded a distance of 0.28 km!
Wrong obviously.  
I will do it again tomorrow and see what happens.
edit:  I actually ended up doing 6 laps, but didn't bother to record after the first three as it was obviously not working properly.


 ABOVE:  It's an amazing facility!  So big.  It will be perfect for walking over winter if I don't want to get wet, or join a FBG walk on a particular day.

I found it quite hot inside there today though, it was airless.  Sarah thought they had air conditioning... but if they do, it wasn't on today.


ABOVE:  Bex sent me these photos of the little boy's haircuts.  I nearly cried.  Archer no longer looks like a baby, he's a BOY.  So sad.


  ABOVE:  Bex had a go at trimming Keera's fringe (bangs)... I think she did a damn good job of it!

I made some purple felt 'fabric' last night, I'm waiting for it to dry so I can make it into a flower to wear tomorrow.  I might have to start ironing it to speed up the process!


ABOVE:  Start to finish on making felt.  It takes a bit of time, and arm exercise!  Lots of rubbing.  Tiring, but hopefully worth it.  I can't wait for it to dry so I can get creating.

OH and I am ALREADY RENEGING on coffee drinking!  I can't stand it, weak or strong... I've had 3 cups full now... and feel like puking. So, I will have to stay on Diet Coke.  It will have to be my one and only vice in life.

I don't know why I 'HAD' to give it up anyway?  Sure, it probably increases one's desire for sweet things, but I can resist, I WILL RESIST!

No comments on the issue of Diet Coke please, I've heard them all before.  If it hasn't killed me in 25 years, it's probably not going to.


ABOVE:  This is the flower.  I know you can't see the three dimensional aspect, so it doesn't show up as well as it could.  I went for a 'rustic' look, as opposed to 'perfect'.  The aqua heart is a nod to J's love of that colour.

Dinner tonight was one of those bacon 'n' egg muffins chopped up into some coleslaw.  Much more palatable that way I must say.

Stew had the same, and the  kids too, only they added potato to their dinner.

Signing off... catch ya tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

HAD ENOUGH

I've got the Dr at 10.30 this morning.
I'm hoping like hell he/she can give me something to settle my stomach, maybe I do need to change my medication from Metformin to something else?

I know taking any more than what I'm used to is making me sick as.  All. Day. Long.

Thinking about it... I have felt sick EVERY SINGLE MORNING for years.  Now I'm starting to think it is the metformin!

So, I have high hopes for an amazing turn around after today!  Wishes can come true eh?

Now... on to something else... sorta.
CRANKY:  I will see if I can find that book here, no need to send me one, but thanks.  *smiles*

DIET FATIGUE.  After being on one diet after another for the past 35+ years, I do believe I am 100% OVER IT.
I think I have been on almost every diet known to man.  None have worked long term.

My ADDICTION is food.

It is very hard to give up an addiction that actually keeps you ALIVE!

I had this debate with a blogger many years ago in fact.  She was addicted to alcohol, and bemoaned how hard it was to give up.
I told her at least she could give her addiction up and still live... where as mine was IMPOSSIBLE to give up, as stopping eating would kill me!

She totally disagreed with me, said her's was the much harder addiction to give up.  After that, we stopped being blogger friends.  Funny that.

I still stand by my opinion.  I can't just stop eating and expect to live!

So... back to dieting.  I think I have totally lost the plot.  I can't even remember what it's like to eat 'properly' anymore.

I've dicked around with my diet for so long my brain just goes to mush even thinking about what to eat.  I just EAT whatever is around.

It doesn't matter if it's healthy or not... if I'm hungry I will eat.  If I'm bored I will eat.  If I'm crabby I will eat.  If I'm happy I will eat.

Food is it for me.  I wish it wasn't.  I wish it didn't rule every single day of my life.  I wish it didn't MATTER to me.

I wish my size didn't matter to me... or anyone else either!

I have this line that runs through my head all the time... 

"Shit Your'e Fat, Jesus You're Fat", said to me by a very close family member many, many years ago.  It never leaves my head.

When you have that in your head, it's very hard to break free from self loathing, feeling like the only thing that matters is how much you weigh.

I'm so fucking over it all.  How long can you hate yourself?

ALL YOUR ADULT LIFE... so far.

So... I'm sitting here... thinking.  Makeup on?  Or don't bother?
Biggest decision of the day... so far.


BEEN TO THE DOCTOR.


 ABOVE:  Yep... just like that.
Feel terrible.
My Hba1c SKYROCKETED.
ALARMINGLY.

I got a right talking to.  And was made to realise that if I don't start eating and exercising PROPERLY for someone with diabetes, I am going to pay for it BIG TIME in the near future.

PLEASE, no one tell me "I told you so".  

That does not, will not help me.

I HAVE to start taking this seriously.  Cos to be honest, I haven't been really.

It's not called 'The Silent Killer' for nothing.  You can't see what it's doing to you... I CAN'T SEE WHAT IT IS DOING TO ME.

NOW... I am truly scared.


The doctor wants me to go on insulin injections daily.

I'm like.... I'd rather jump off a cliff.

I HATE INJECTIONS.  I can't do it.  I REALLY CAN'T.

So.  What to do?

1.  Take more Metformin (there is no other alternative here in New Zealand).

2. Take anti nausea medication to alleviate the side effects of the Metformin.

3. Stop virtually all carb and sugar intake.

4. Get more exercise.

5. Attend the Weight Management Clinic at Waikato Hospital.

6. Get support from friends/family, LEARN TO ASK FOR SUPPORT.

DO ALL OF THE ABOVE OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.

If I don't turn it around myself, no one is going to do it for me.

Weight loss surgery is an option PERHAPS... but with waiting lists/my bleeding issues, it's probably never going to happen.  I can't afford to do it privately, even if I could do it safely.

So.  There it is.  Cold hard facts.


I HAVE THREE MONTHS TO SHOW A HUGE IMPROVEMENT OR ELSE?

Just talked to Stew.  We are going to sit down and work out just what we can eat, how to come up with tasty meals that do not incorporate carbs or sugar.

Any ideas happily accepted.


 ABOVE:  I am so proud to be picking our own fruit today!  I've never had any success growing citrus before, and we have just grown our own  mandarins!  And I can eat the bloody things too.  *smiles*



ABOVE:  Lunch... I had two boiled eggs too, but they were still cooking when I took the photo.

I'm going to be drinking a couple of mild coffee's during the day too... to cut down on the Diet Coke.  Cos, I have to cut it out eventually, except for a glass (or two) a day, not a litre or two.

As I said, I have to turn things around.  NOW.



You got any really good, tasty, LOW CARB, NO SUGAR recipes to share... my email is :  stewandchris@hotmail.com.
All will be appreciated.  Some will even be used.  *lol*

I cannot reply to everyone's comments, texts, messages!  But thank you!

Right, it's been a long day here!  I'm exhausted and ready to sign off for the day.
Catch you tomorrow, where the saga continues!  lol

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

A BOO BOO

Warning to self:  'DON'T SEW WHEN YOU ARE TIRED'.

This happens:


ABOVE:  I put the box corners on the wrong way... and the zip is running the wrong way!
It's still a pretty bag, but rather impractical.  Derrr.
I can't be arsed unpicking it all and starting again.  So, it is what it is.

AND.... this is what I made at 1 am last night:


ABOVE:  How stinkin' cute is that!  It's a fabric box again, but a different pattern.  I am really enjoying trying a few new things.

Sad news.  My friend J died yesterday morning.   I'm glad her suffering is over now and her family can start the grieving process.

Now... today?  More of the same... perhaps some sewing, certainly some housework.
I might try and drag the kids out of their bedrooms so we can play cards too.

I've got a friend's birthday to attend tonight, so I have to sort out a plate, and a gift.  The gift should be easy!  I've got a shit load of stuff sewn! lol


OK... time to go.  Catch ya later.

ONWARD...

12.25 pm: And today has not gone to plan at all.
I got outta bed around 8 am, but felt sick as a dog... splitting headache and feeling like I was going to throw up constantly.

I got bad blood test results for my diabetes, so in my wisdom I decided to up my Metformin.  NOT over what was prescribed, in fact, I've never taken all I was supposed to.

And it's not agreeing with me AT ALL.  I have just felt sick for days.  So, I've made a Doctor's appointment for tomorrow.  I need to get this sorted out asap.  I just feel like vomiting all day long. 

So anyway, I took some panadol and went back to bed.  And woke up at.....


11.45 am  !!!!!!

I'm pretty sure that's the latest I've stayed in bed in forever!  Brylee and Griffin even beat me out of bed today!  OMG.

So, today I am now going to sit and keep my legs up, cos my feet are all swollen from sitting down at the sewing machine for too long.  I might unpick that disaster of a bag, change it to something else.  It's too pretty to waste.

6.00 pm:  I got the bag unpicked, then watched some youtube videos, then.... fell asleep again!
Just don't feel well at all.

Woke up when Stew got home from work!  Left overs from the fridge for dinner tonight.

Not going out to friend's birthday dinner... just not up to it.  I'm glad I'm going to the Dr's tomorrow.  Maybe a change of medication is needed.

Signing off cos I'm not doing anything!

Monday, April 16, 2018

A CHALLENGE

Today I want to take on a personal challenge.

ZIPS.  I really don't 'do' zips.  But I want to try making a bag with a zip.

The only zips I could find in my 'stash' of stuff were rather long.


ABOVE:  Two at 14 cm and 2 at 16 cm.
I will use one of the 14 cm ones, and make a large boxy type of bag I suppose.

The 14 cm zips are the two black ones, so I will need to find some fabric with black in them.  Hmmm...not even sure I have any?

I could go to Cambridge Patchwork this morning, but they are doing a demo on making sanitary pads for 3rd world countries.  The 'group' are going to be making some and donating them as far as I know.

I have hardly been at all this year.  All my dental appointments were on a Monday ... so I missed a few.  And then I found out I had been 'fired' as the email person!

Something tells me that was down to me being critical of the group last year... catching up with me.  I MIGHT be wrong of course, but well... that's the feeling I got.

I'm not sure if I will be going back at all now.  I just don't feel a part of the group at all.

So, until I can make up my mind on that score, I will stay home.

And that's all I have for now... catch ya later.

ONWARD...

THIS WAS NOT FUN:


ABOVE:  A 'Box Bag'.... I found the zip easy as... but everything else was shit.  Making the box corners was hideous with this pattern.  Fiddly.  I broke 2 needles in the process too.  *sigh*   I would have to think long and hard before making another one, that's for sure.

BUT... it is a gorgeous bag and I think I will be keeping it for myself.  

I'm now going to try making another zip bag, but using a different pattern.

Or not... I can't make up my mind.  *sigh*
I am working on another bag though, just not sure what direction it's going in...yet.


ABOVE:  Sneak Peek.  Probably finish it tomorrow the rate I'm going.  It's slow people's... slow as. 

I need to put a 'pull thingee' on the end of the zip too.  Probably make something with fabric?

Tonight's dinner is...


ABOVE:  Savoury Sausages (god knows what's in them!), mashed spuds and coleslaw.  We are loving coleslaw right now... like, even the kids are eating it!

LYNDA:  Yes we do. Our coleslaw consists of:

-THINLY sliced up green and red cabbage
-THINLY sliced onion, usually red onion (to taste)
-Grated carrot
-Grated cheese
- Red/Green/Yellow/Orange (whatever you have) Capsicum, diced up
- Finely chopped up parsley, chives and mint (to taste)

Quantities vary, but keep the cheese to a minimum compared to the other stuff.

'To taste' means how much you prefer.

Right, so dinner was lovely. 
LYNDA:  we all have different dressings. Some bought, some homemade.

Time to sign off... tired and a bit grumpy.  Sore back from sewing lots today/yesterday.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

HAPPY WITH IT.

Well.. it took a few days, but I finally got my latest project finished.

I've made a few before, but not for what feels like a very long time.


ABOVE: A 'Stay Open Bag'.  Named for it's ability to stay open so you can find your stuff in it!

I had planned on renaming it something else, like the 'Cute' bag, but really, it's a Stay Open Bag!
I'm going to try selling some on my stall next month.

Now... today?
No bloody idea!  It's supposed to be wet, so probably not doing anything outside.

Not sure If I feel like making another bag yet.
But I will at least sort out the fabrics for the next one I think.

If anyone wants the one above, it's $60 (NZ) + postage.

Right, I'm off to make the bed, get showered and dressed and then decide what to do with the day.

ONWARD... 

Got a bee in my bonnet when I got up... and had to move some stuff ...


 ABOVE:  We have this rug on the family room floor, to protect the carpet from traffic lines.

But, there is one place that really needed protecting more:


 ABOVE:  This traffic way from out the back into the Family/Kitchen/Dining room. OMG it is getting so dirty!  So, I moved the rug.  Well ... I moved 90% of the furniture, then Stew helped me with the rug.


ABOVE:  All done.  Best photo of the day, his nibs doing the last bit of vacuming for me.

Don't worry, he didn't have to do it all!  I'm not a slave driver.  He got to sleep in till after 9 am!

After that, I decided to make something small and quick, something I've not made before:


ABOVE:  The CUTEST little fabric 'bin'.  I love it, and will certainly be making more of them, in various sizes I think. It only took a couple of hours... and I am bound to get faster now that I've made the pattern.  Which is simple as.

Time to stop for lunch, I'm starving!  (it's 1.20 pm)

Quiet afternoon.  Feeling sick as a dog.  Upped my Metformin (blood tests results were bad).
The smell of food is turning my stomach.  Ikkk.

Signing off... might start something else in the sewing room later, depends how I feel. 

Saturday, April 14, 2018

FIRST TIME EVER!

Yesterday afternoon.
I'm in the sewing room... you know... sewing.

And Griffin arrives home from school and says:

 "Yaaa, no school for two whole weeks!"

 And I'm like:

 "What?" 

Cos SERIOUSLY, for the first time EVER, I had no idea the school holidays were starting!!!  NONE.

I felt all sorts of guilty.  Fancy not knowing something so basic.

So.  The teenagers are home for 2 weeks.  *sigh*  I have no plans for either of them ... yet.

This weekend we are doing some tidying up around the yard.  We have managed to accumulate some rubbish over the past 22 months.  I want it all gone before we hit winter proper.

I also have the finishing steps to go for the project I'm still working on.  Yesterday I made SO MANY silly mistakes!  I spent a lot of time unpicking!  I don't know what was wrong with me... such stupid mistakes too.


ABOVE:  Just a couple of crucial steps to go, and it will be done.
Then I might make another one or two.

Right, I better go... sleeping in is all very well... but it doesn't get the washing on!  

ONWARD...

Almost forgot... 'What's for dinner?'...


CHICKEN RICE RISOTTO !


3.30 pm:  Well one good job is done.  Our small amount of rubbish has been taken to the dump.  I won't be doing that again in a hurry.  If I'd known how much those thieving bastards were going to charge us, I would have broken it up and put it out with the 'normal' rubbish and spent NOTHING!

They charged us $70 for literally a boot load of rubbish!  Daylight bloody robbery.  Because we used my car, it was deemed a 'trailer' load!  WTF?

Lesson learnt.  Don't use the dump unless you absolutely have to.  I can now see why people dump their rubbish illegally!  

I have spent a good hour this afternoon de-cluttering my sewing room... it becomes the dumping ground for all sort of shit.

I have ONE STEP left to go, and my current sewing project will be finished.  It's taken me much longer than usual I must say... but then, I have been doing other stuff in between working on it.
And unpicking.  Let's not forget the damn unpicking.


Dinner is cooking and I'm having my first alcoholic drink of the year!  Me tipple.  So nice.  Even Stew is having a wee drink tonight.  He's  having Coruba and coke.


ABOVE:  Dinner was lovely!  I usually don't like the chicken as it comes out dry, but for some reason tonight it didn't. 

I've finished the current project and am thrilled with it. 

Signing off for the day now, I'm going to watch a movie: The Lovely Bones.  I've seen it before, but as there is bugger all on the TV tonight, it's the best of a bad lot.


Friday, April 13, 2018

CAN'T WIN SEASON CHANGE

So, it's that time of the year when you just don't know what to wear.
You get up and it's like, quite cold.  So ya put on long tights and a warm top.

Then in a few hours it's warmed up and you are stripping off... and putting the fan on co you are too bloody hot.

Next thing, it's gone cold again, and you are hunting out your warm slippers!

That was yesterday to a 'T'.  I expect it to be the same today.  Luckily I'm staying home, so can put on and take off at will.

I've got a bit of housework to do this morning, primarily washing.  Then I can get back to my sewing.

We were going to have 'fridge left overs' for dinner tonight, but I don't think there's enough for everyone in there... so we might just have:


 ABOVE:  Bacon hock soup... minus the mud.

And now... on with the day!

OH... it's 'Black Friday' today.  I'm not in the least bit suspicious, so I might just run under a ladder, walk on cracks, see a black cat... What else?  lol

ONWARD...

Dinner is in the crock pot.
House is tidy.
Washing is on.
Feijoa tree is re-staked... it was falling over.
Dogs are keeping me company... getting under foot every which way I turn X's 3.
Now... I can finally get back to my sewing.

LIZ:  Yes I did do that photo!  And no, 'that' ANON has not gone away.  He/She has been a nasty stalker/commenter for a very long time.  Usually I just ignore him/her.

ABOVE:  Dinner was really lovely tonight.  The soup was really tasty and light... I didn't put very many split peas and barley in it at all, so it wasn't thick and stodgy.

Time to stop for the day and just relax.  It's been a busy, but sometimes frustrating day.